Life Perplexions! Chapter 3

Yet again, I fall to my knees and beg your forgiveness...you are such a faithful...blog..space (would say piece of paper, but not really true to your identity there is it - you deserve to know the truth blog page...you just can't cut it!) But yes, you are always waiting every time I come back, so I should really try a bit harder to be more faithful to you! -hugs- There we go, all friends again.
Now, Chapter 2 left us before Christmas, so Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Merry January!
And Chapter 3 now brings us to:
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My life, is currently a crazy, bizarre, confusing, fun, upsetting, brilliant turmoil of MADNESS!
So skipping back to Chapter 2 quickly, the question of what I was doing with my life, well, guess what, I have FINALLY figured out what I am doing after college, because, I'm doing the after college part now! Quick 2 years huh?! So yes, people, I am currently not in college, I am unemployed, and yes, I am no longer doing veterinary nursing, because although I have always wanted to work with animals, I've realised that working in a veterinary practice, never did, and never really ever will give me that thrill that I get when I work with horses, the freedom, the rush of the wind, the adrenaline that flies through your body for a matter of minutes..seconds - the gallop through a field, the timed jumping round.
Now, I could sit forever, thinking about what it is that makes me feel like that, what it is that drove me to wake up at 4.30 every morning during my summer holidays and cycle half an hour so I could get a lift to the stables in time to shovel the shit of about 30 horses in 35 degrees. Or I could just accept that I did it because I love it, I love the horses, I love the riding, the falls, the jumps, the bruises, the broken bones and the joys of getting it right, the rosettes, the amazing feeling of working together with such a large creature, one with a mind and a heart of its own, being friends with them.
So I looked into studying something with horses, and what I came across made my whole life flip upside down, because I came across an opportunity I was once offered years ago, one that got passed as just a phase, something I would never succeed in. Yet here it is again, sitting bang on in front of me, just waiting for me to reach out and grab it with both hands. So that is what I am doing, you can believe in coincidence, you can believe in fate, but you won't ever get anywhere if you don't try.
So yes, I may have lost my place at college, I may have fallen so deep into depression and fear these past few months, that I had no chance of carrying on anyway, I may have gotten better, I may have been able to hold out, hide behind another mask, or the pills that doctors prescribe, I may have found a way, to push myself to finish my diploma. But 'may' isn't good enough, and what is the point, in pushing yourself that hard just to end up hiding behind pills, suffering and fighting a war against yourself and hating every waking minute of your god forsaken life? To me, that cannot be called living, to me, I might as well be dead.
So I am now working towards being me, doing what I want to do. I'm moving into a gorgeous little house, down the road from one of the most amazing families I have ever met. I've applied to start on the Race horse care and management foundation course and then hopefully, if all goes well, I will eventually get the chance to get my jockey license. In the mean time, I will be getting a job, odd bits here and there for now. But for now that gets me by. I have friends that will always be there to support me, I have met some brilliant people on my old college course, and I love them to bits, they are so bonkers, I don't know what I would do without them, I can say for sure though, it definitely wouldn't be here. And then there's the one person, who somehow - I still have no idea how - managed to take my hands, and pull me back up onto my feet again. They reminded me what it was like to feel safe, secure, loved. They stuck a smile back on my face, made me truly laugh and feel happiness, when all I thought could come from me was tears, anger, frustration. They gave me a family to reside in, to love, to have fun with; they switched on the street lights, and lit up the place, reminded me that even though things are up in the air, even though I am fighting a constant war with myself and my past, the troubles, the tears, the pains; there is always hope - even if I am cnsantly losing a fight against myself, there will always be someone there, worrying, caring and wanting/waiting for the chance to help save you.

So here's my wrapping up of chapter 3 of lifes perplexions: We live in a corrupt place, you will always get knocked down, kicked whilst on the ground, but there will always be that chance to get back up, and until that chance comes along, you have to hold on and fight for your life, even if it doesn't seem worth it at the time. You will always find that one person, that one thing, that will bring you back to life again. Hold on to hope. And always remember, one of the most important things that I had forgotten about:
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There is an awful lot of  beauty in this world.

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Life Perplexions Chapter 2

In a world of complete and utter madness, one was asked where their life was leading; the answer turned out to be 'I have no idea'. Which further led to great confusion, distress and general 'what am I doing here' feelings. It's a strange thing to go about really, but to go from one thing to another, I'm in one thing now...college, but in under 2 years time that will be over, then what? The answer to that seems to be content on remaining a mystery until further notice - I could end up anywhere in the world; so please refrain from asking me this pointless question over and over again, because until next year at least, the answer will remain the same. And until the answer changes, I am just going with the flow, enjoying the unknown adventures that present themselves before me each day.

Now onto chapter 2 - it's November, the month of national writing...which means I am yet again attempting to complete the 50,000 word count on a story - I'm not too fussed if I don't finish it in time, of course it would be something I would take pride in if I do - but November also happens to be the month of 'everything is due in at college so we are giving you assignment as well just to make sure you are slaving away' and of course - much to my disappointment, college work must come first - yes I did just say that, and yes this is still Ally. But regardless of whether I manage to get 50,000 words in November or not - I will finish my book in the coming year :)

3 months have gone since I moved to the UK, and things on this side are pretty decent - my motorbike gets here this weekend, I have great flatmates, I enjoy work, and I still have brilliant friends and family scattered around this mad country.
What has begun to become rather clear to me, however, is that thing called friendship...there's always those friends, the ones you have known for years, shared so much together, thought you'd always b there for each other, but then when the time comes and you get separated, in less than 2 months that friendship is gone, the talking zones down to 0, and no matter how many times you try say hi, or the amount of messages you ask others to pass on to them - they have seemed to just disappear from your lives completely  - and the feelings is horrible, to know that the person or people you once were so close with, have just drifted away, moved on together and seemingly forgotten all about your existence - it leaves you feeling quite empty. But the one thing you have to remember is that even if they have gone, there is those others, the bonkers group that you never thought you would bee so close to, the ones you have known for the least time - spent the least time with, yet they are there, always talking, checking on you, giving you a call or a random message just saying hi - its those people that matter, because they are the friends that subconsciously had become your family - the friends that you never realise you have until the time draws near to leave them. Thy are the ones that you need to keep close, don't mourn over those that don't have time for you, instead rejoice in those goofballs that you can be yourself with, the ones that love you no matter what you've done...the ones that worry if they haven't heard from you in a while, the ones you worry about if you cant get hold of them. They are the family you never had and the friends you will always have; and as long as that's there, then you needn't worry about those that got lost along the way.

Now to all the people that are unfortunate enough to come across this page, I will bid thee farewell for now. I will be back soon when my inspiration for story writing is running low, no doubt. And the end of this week also brings about the end of chapter 2 - subsequently meaning a new chapter is soon due.

Over . . .
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Life Perplexions Chapter 1

Hello to the world of blogging. Ok I am sorry I have negleted you mr ramblings page, but now I'v got a little bit more time to kill here and there, so you will be a bit better fed from now on.
For all of you retards that may have not quite realised I have left one country/arrived in another, or just genuinely didnt realise I was going anywhere in the first place! .. I AM IN ENGLAND!
College, work, london, trains, meeting people and stabbing toy animals...all that shizz in one.

I like being in an apartment above a vets...it means we can all have all sorts of pets :) Yayy.
So far there are...2 guinea pigs, a leopard gecko, a bunny - called evil psyco the name goes on bunny (So i have been told) and 2 gerbils.
A stray cat that is downstairs gets brough upstairs every now and then to get out of its cage so as to stretch his legs, and as most normal cats, he enjoys trying to scratch your eyes out and biting you :D
Ontop of these weird and wonderful creatures, when there is enough money and all else is sorted, there will hopefully be a few additions to the family - a snake and a ferret...and maybe possibly a tarantula - but that will have to wait til atleast next year :) <3
Oh and on serious side - I am alive and succesfully eating the healthy diet of a student that so far has consisted of breakfast bars that I nicked from the aeroplane, left over chinese takout that my grandad bought on friday night (..yes I had it for breakfast) oh and chicken, ham and cheese sammich (minus the break cz it was expensive).
College is pretty fun...oh annnddd I have THE most unattractive uniform for work that could ever exist....why, just why....bottle green trousers and green/white striped tunic....that should be a crime! So until tomorrow morning that is hidden in my cupboard, and on wednesday evening it shall be returned there.

*Ally's Life update no1* Over . . . And . . . Out

=D

LaLaLaLa...Forgotten blog? Who? What? ME?!?!

O_o I have abandoned you my poor blog, I beg your forgiveness! *gets down on my knees and pleads*
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RIGHT! Now that's over and done with, I have come to decide that my unfaithfulness to this blog is unacceptable and needs sorting out, so I have done exactly that.
School is nearly finished (yes..time flies when you forget about your blog)
Last time you heard I was worrying about applying to college, little did I know, that was the easy stuff; I'm off to the UK in 5 weeks for interviews, both at colleges and work placements - all great, if only I actually had a CV (much needed for a job application...oops) After that I be back here for 2 months for my exams (yes I gave in, a certain awesome person - ex teacher - spoke some sense into it all and convinced me to do some of them) Then it's moving back to England at long last!
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And I have forgotten the purpose of coming on here, have NO idea what I wanted to say, other than my little forgiveness stuff at the top, so....erm...yeeaahhh *awkward turtle multiplying and having babies which are just as awkwardly awkward*  =D
I have stuff for the other side of the blog, but I think they shall have to be posted tomorrow, as my computer needs its nap time =)
Until next time, my no longer forgotten friend =)

~ Ally xx

Let the Torture Commence! =[

So, I'm - unfortunately - yet again in Cyprus after an awesome time back home! I've been here for a while, but have been rather busy, but I have decided to wake up from the world of no-bloggingness and try to be slightly more...consistent. Although this will mainly just be rambling per say.
When I was back home I learned quite a few things, one of which is, I tend to try and run away from life quite often, but it's not worked too well for me over the years, things find their way back, and they'll just hit you from behind, twice as hard.
I've also found out which people are the most important in my life, those who have stood with me no matter what, and I am so grateful for them, even if some of them are miles away.

Being back in Cyprus also means one other thing - School. The torturous place I have spent the majority of my life, and being in my last year is just as bad as the rest! Sure it means I'm leaving this place pretty soon, but before that is all the moaning, gossiping, shouting, fighting, books that make no sense, lessons that I will never ever use in my life again, oh and this year...college applications - must be the most stressful thing when you have to do it a different way from everyone else, but that's what you get for being lazy during school and flunking all your classes, altho I do quite like the look of the path I'm gonna be going down come June :)

Anyhoo, I shall be off for now, got essays to right, and colleges to e-mail. I'll stick some stuff up on the other page pretty soon tho, I've had sudden spurts of writing inspiration the past few weeks, so I have a few stuff to go up; I shall thank my bro Phil for that, as his leaving the country is what seems to have triggered it all.

Until then, I'll try keep alive and well! :P

~ Ally xx

Whaaatchoo sayyy? :D

You heard! Hehe, sorry, weird mood alert! =D
It is thursday, officially been on summer holidays for a week. And most days have been spent..sleeping! At the wrong times of the day! >_> There has been one, maybe two days I have woken up at a normal time (around 9/10am) all other days it's been like 1:30pm . . . so bad!
I shall blame Britain's Got Talent...such good competition this year! Although I wanted Joe Oakley to go through instead of Paul (but Paul is still real good)
Now I shall cut to the chase of why I have decided to ramble at such an early hour of the night! Gonna post up a new thingy on the other half of the blog. I'm pretty sure it may go off track a tiny bit a few times, but heck, that's what happens when you can't concentrate for too long! It's a rather strange thing to post by itself, but it has a spot in my story that I am writing, which I'm not posting on here 'cause it's not finished, and I don't want it being copied at all really! You will probably get snippets of it put up every now and then (like now). But yush, I shall get to it, and put it up!
Cheerio! =D

~ Ally xx

Bye-Bye Exams; Hello Summer! :D

Woop! Exams are over and summer 2011 has officially begun, and I have a funny feeling that it's gonna be a pretty awesome summer! There will (as usual) be some tearful goodbyes, I am sure, but goodbyes don't last forever, and those leaving, or being left will at some point be seen again...I will make sure if it =D
But along with the summer of course must come the heat, but this is INSANE! I'm considering getting up from my writing and finding my air-conditioner remote! Last time I checked (at 6pm) it was 32 degrees(celcius), melted in a puddle much?!? And me (being oh so clever) was wearing jeans...outside...in the heat...for the whole day! But now I'm sat in my extremely over-sized and baggy clothes, still boiling, trying to find some inspiration to finish a little something I've been writing. But seeing as what originally inspired me to start it is a good few miles away and is unable to provide me with any more inspiration at this current time, I have decided to turn to the oh so faithful (not) world of internet.
It is getting quite hot tho, so I will leave you for now (and find a means of cooling down) and I will probably post a little something more interesting later =]
Byeeeee =]
~ Ally xx